For when your awakening doesn't look the way you were told it would. A talk and meditation, from someone who lived it.
If you were promised bliss and got rupture instead, I know the feeling. If a kundalini activation, plant medicine journey, traumatic life event or a spontaneous awakening cracked you wide open and no one around you has the language for what's happening, especially not your spiritual community, this is for you. It's the bridge I wish someone had built for me when I was in it.
A talk and meditation, delivered straight to your inbox. Five sections to help you feel safe in the messy middle of your awakening.
The first and most important thing you need to hear: whatever cracked you open, you are not the only one, and you are not broken. In fact, quite the opposite.
What's really going on when the awakening doesn't look the way you were told it would. Why the rupture you're experiencing is a doorway, and why your nervous system feeling overwhelmed doesn't mean you're failing.
Naming the part of this experience that the "love and light" version of spirituality tends to skip over entirely.
A guided meditation: realizing you're not alone, meeting a "fault line" inside yourself, finging the steady ground beneath you, and anchoring into a bit more trust.
A closing. If you can't hold the knowing yet that you're going to be ok (or better), that's ok. It takes time for that part to come online. Meanwhile, I will hold it for you until you can.
There's a kind of okayness that requires nothing of you. It holds steady underneath everything, even when your body, your relationships, or your bank account don't seem okay at all. Touching that deeper okayness is one of the most important moments on this path. It doesn't ask your circumstances to look a certain way, or require you to feel good, or disappear the moment fear shows up. It holds your whole experience, light and dark, contraction and expansion, joy and terror, as holy.
The trauma-induced kundalini awakening I lived through took years to integrate and felt like my worst nightmare until it became my greatest gift. It was so total that I needed someone to hold the knowing for me until I could hold it myself. That's what this is.